Finding Hope and Inspiration in Caregiving Matt and Liz Ames, caregiver and cancer survivor

As attorneys and the parents of two active young boys, Matt and Liz Ames didn’t think their happy, fulfilling lives could get any busier. But as they were getting ready to celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary, Liz was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive appendiceal cancer. Now they had to take on unexpected new roles: patient and caregiver.

After extensive research, the couple found Charles Staley, MD, at Winship Cancer Institute of Emory University. As chief of the Division of Surgical Oncology and a specialist in gastrointestinal cancers, he was the perfect physician for them. “Dr. Staley was a game changer,” says Matt. “He did a masterful job making us as comfortable as possible. His confidence was inspiring.”

By the end of the first appointment, Liz had a treatment plan that included chemotherapy and extensive surgery to remove the diseased tissue in her abdomen. With a clear plan and resources to help her through, Liz knew what she had to do. Matt’s role as caregiver, however, was less clear. One day, Liz turned to her husband and said, “I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes.”

To help others navigate through caregiving, Matt decided to write a book about the family’s experience. “Through the Impossible” is a memoir of the family’s journey through cancer diagnosis, treatment and recovery, and a practical guidebook to help caregivers navigate the ups and downs of a family member’s cancer treatment.

While recognizing that each caregiver’s situation is unique, Matt has shared a few ways for those caring for loved ones to find comfort and support:

Take care of yourself: Work, doctors’ appointments and being present for his family took a toll on Matt—physically, mentally and emotionally. One day he received a note from a friend reminding him to take care of himself. It was a turning point. “I realized that if I was going to be any good to Liz and the boys, I needed to focus on myself,” Matt says. He began to make a point of finding some time for himself every day, even just 15 minutes, to do a quick workout, talk with his rabbi or connect with his parents.

Find support: Matt’s rabbi introduced him to another young dad thrust into a caregiver role. The two men found solace and understanding in their friendship. “This connection has become deeply meaningful to me,” Matt says. “He has shared insights and encouragement that only someone in the shoes of a caregiver could provide.”

Practice gratitude: As self-described optimists, the couple remained hopeful throughout their difficult experience. Before Liz’s diagnosis, the family set aside time every Friday to reflect and be grateful. In times of crisis, it may be difficult to find gratitude, but Matt urges caregivers to take time to be thankful for even the small things that once seemed unimportant.

Today, Liz and Matt are approaching their 15^th wedding anniversary and five years post-cancer diagnosis. Liz’s disease remains in remission.

The family is grateful for the support of their friends, family and Winship. Their physician and nurses remain at the top of the family’s gratitude list. “To this day, I find myself saying little prayers of thanks for finding Dr. Staley,” says Matt. “No way we’d have made it through the surgery in less capable or less experienced hands.”

Staley recognizes the importance of his role as a physician, surgeon and supporter. “At Winship, we understand that cancer is a family disease,” he says. “With Liz and Matt, and all my patients, Winship is a part of their support system. I want them to feel comfortable and confident that we are providing research-based treatments, resources and support at every stage.”

Winship offers resources to support patients and caregivers throughout diagnosis, treatment and recovery. This support includes licensed social workers and medical experts in psychiatry, among many other resources.

Wendy Baer, MD, director of psychiatric oncology at Winship, and a team of social workers provide resources and a chance for patients and their caregivers to focus on mental and emotional well-being. “Caregivers are a vital part of a person’s cancer journey,” says Baer. “High-quality caregiving requires time, energy and patience, so caregivers need to take care of themselves first if they are going to be able to support someone else.”

Patients and caregivers can also access help from Winship’s spiritual health group. The team of specially trained health care professionals works across Emory Healthcare to bring spiritual comfort, compassionate support and help patients and caregivers find solace and strength. “It is important for caregivers to have their own resources so that they can tend to their spiritual and emotional needs,” says Caroline Peacock, DMin, LCSW, MDiv, director of spiritual health at Winship. “Spiritual health at Winship is privileged to offer these services.”

Winship Cancer Institute offers a caregiver support group that meets virtually on the third Wednesday of each month from noon to 1:30 p.m. RSVP to hilary.cohen@emoryhealthcare.org, or 404-778-4627.